The simple things in life

Sometimes less is more. Case in point, Kade brought home the show-and-tell bucket the other day from pre-school. As he was getting ready to go to school I decided to look in the bucket and see what he was taking for show and tell. This is what I found.

Contents: a pine cone, 3 Nerf darts, and 2 marbles.

We encouraged him to keep the pine cone and to maybe think of something a little more exciting than the darts and marbles. Looking back I kind of regret that decision. Maybe I shouldn't discourage him from thinking these simple things are show-and-tell worthy. Maybe that's the kind of attitude that will help him be content in life instead of having to "keep up with the Joneses". Anyway now that we know he's so easily impressed we'll probably give him a toilet paper roll for Christmas.

Happy Anniversary "Lucky 13"

I feel bad that the only thing I've said about our anniversary was a negative. We also had a lot of fun that weekend. Rather than bore everyone to death with a "play by play" I'm just going to post the pictures that Jackie told me were appropriate to post.

Baja Cantina - Try the Flautas

Our horse ride fell threw, so we opted for the mountain coaster

I only have a picture of the ride up.

Jackie made me put my phone away before we went down.

(she's smarter than me)

From the chairlift

On our way to the Alpine slide. I promise Jackie was having fun.

For the record I wasted her. Mass x Gravity = Speed

One of the 67 dressing rooms we visited. She didn't buy these.

Our room. I fit better in the tub than I did in the bed.

FYI, more pillows doesn't mean more comfortable.

House of the Lord (Draper)

Large and Spacious Building

Back home

Kids these days

* The following is one man's judgmental opinion and should be treated as such *

One nice thing about having a blog that is read by only 3 people, is that I can go on a rant and not offend too many people with my overly opinionated views.

My rant is this, "when did kids begin to rule the world?" I feel justified in my question, based on the facts that I was once a kid, and now as a parent have a few kids.  

This all really stemmed from mine and Jackie's anniversary weekend. Everything went wonderful, with a few exceptions. One of those exceptions was our failed late night swim.  We went down to the hotel pool at 10:30 to hit the hot tub before bed.  When we walked in, we found there was a "shrieking  girl convention" taking place in the pool. We saw a mass of girls leaving the hot tub and decided we would be safe there. Unfortunately they weren't getting out to go to bed, they were just getting out to have a quick cupcake break and scream at each other before getting back in the hot tub. After all 83 were back in the hot tub, they started talking REALLY loud and splashing each other (along with us). As riveting as their conversations were, they weren't exciting enough for us to endure the splashing princesses.  I tried to make my very best "annoyed adult face" but it didn't help. I wouldn't have been so bothered by the whole thing if it wasn't for the parents reactions to how their girls were acting.  The three most popular responses were:
    
       ·         doing whatever their little angel demanded of them.
       ·         smiling at how adorable their daughters canon ball into the hot tub was.
       ·         ignoring their child, to gossip with another attentive parent.

At some point it seemed to me that if my kids were acting like that I would have pulled them out of the pool and had a talk with them.  Or maybe I would have thought "hmmm it's 10:30. I think I'll get my kids in bed".  It didn't take long to see who was running the show in that relationship.

Since I'm already on my soap box I might as well continue. I remember when I was a kid, and we had a social gathering like Christmas, birthday parties, baby blessings, that I was required to wait. Grandparents went first, then parents, and then kids.  I've watched plenty of nature shows in my day.  In all those shows I have never seen one where a family of lions sits down to a delicious Sunday zebra, and sit and watch the cubs eat all the best parts, leaving the scraps for the parents. In those nature shows the parents make sure the kids know their place. Now days I don't think people care if their kid is squeezing in front of grandma to get the biggest piece of chicken, only to go eat two bites and throw it away. Maybe we should be more like the lions and occasionally eat one of the impatient kids to remind them who's the boss.

Don't get me wrong . I love my kids. I think kids are funny, and amazing and interesting, and all that other good stuff. I'm just worried that if we act like everything in this world revolves around them, then when they're a teenager they're going to think "everything in this world revolves around me!"

 I'm glad that I'm not one of those awful parents that does everything wrong.

(Next week's rant: Annoying people who tell you how to raise your kids.)

Lady's Man

 I came home from work the other day and gave Kade a hug and noticed that he wreaked of cologne. He honestly smelled like a car full of teenage boys on their way to prom. When I asked Jackie about the nasal assault she told me it was because of a party he went to earlier in the day. I guess he came out to go to the party and had used up one of my bottles. If I've learned anything from watching nature shows, I'm pretty sure that it means he has a crush on the birthday girl (Milli). The other evidence at his 4 year old attempt to impress this unsuspecting girl, was the fact that he wore a collared shirt (the last time he willingly did that hell froze over). And the fact that he asked Jackie to spike his hair up (again he never does that) he usually prefers the popular comb forward look.  Thankfully he's only 4 so the only kisses he's interested in come wrapped in tinfoil.  When he starts showing interest in real kisses we'll probably just lock him in the basement until his mission.  That should solve the problem.

Running on Empty

I recently finished my first 1/2 marathon! I know what you're thinking  " Matt's built to run long distance about as well as one legged penguin", never the less I promise I did it. I even have the medal to prove it. I ran with Amy (my sister), Caroline (my like-a-sister) and Ashley (new running friend). It was good to have friends to train and run with. I don't know if I would have done it on my own.

When thinking about the run it's hard to use words like "fun" or "enjoyable", but I am glad that I did it. It feels good to set a goal and then work towards completing them. Although I imagine it's a lot like childbirth in the sense that the thought of running another one immediately after I'd finished made me a little nauseous and angry, but now that I've had time for my body to re-coop and forget some of the pain, I would totally do it again.

I went ahead and made a " family friendly" version of some of the thoughts that went through my head as I was running, so that everyone can get a feel for what it was like.

Pre-run

Boy, this is going to be fun!
I'm actually excited to do this.
I hope I have enough glow sticks on.
I wonder how fast I can run this in?

Mile 1
This isn't too bad.
This is fun running at night.
I'm glad Amy's running this with me,
Maybe we'll be able to motivate each other.

Mile 2
I think I'm slowing Amy down.
At least we haven't been passed yet.
I just need to get to mile 3 and it's all downhill.
I can't believe we haven't reached mile 3 yet.

Mile 3

I should be able to keep up with Amy on this downhill.
I wonder how far ahead of Caroline and Ashley we are?
These glow sticks are kind of annoying.

Mile 4
Hey there's Caroline and Ashley .
I wonder how long we can stay ahead of them.
There goes Caroline and Ashley.
I wonder if I'll get in trouble if I drop my glow sticks in the road.

Mile 5
Oh good, Amy needs to use the bathroom.
Maybe I can get far enough ahead that we can keep running together for a while.
There's a family watching the run. I'll just drop my glow sticks here. I'm sure the kids will pick them up.
Why do my shorts keep twisting?

Mile 6
Wow! Amy caught up to me fast.
Oh good, finally some hills to run down.
I wonder how many people will see me if I trip running down this hill?
I don't think I like running down the hills.

Mile 7
There goes Amy, I hope she gets a good time.
Is that a blister on my foot?
Why do my shorts keep twisting?
I wonder if I'm half way yet?

Mile 8
I think I'll play some music.
I wonder if my music is bothering anyone?
Why is this girl talking to me?
Can't she see that I can barely speak?
That blister feels huge!

Mile 9
Hey look I can see the moon.
There's nobody around me.
This is kind of nice.
I wonder if I'm still on the course?

Mile 10
That's nice of these people to come out and direct us where to go.
Why  am I running towards the mountains?
I feel kind of hungry.
My knee hurts.
I swear I've passed that guy 3 times.

Mile 11
Did that sign say mile 11 or mile 12 . . . crap.
I don't even want to look at this blister when I get done.
These people are really starting to bother me.
I wonder if the girls are done running yet?

Mile 12
Boy there's a lot of people walking.
Who's calling me?
They probably think I'm dead.
That must mean the girls are done.
Why do my shorts keep twisting?
My knee hurts!

Mile 13
Last mile I can do it!
Look, I'm passing people.
Are they calling me again?
Look there's Cam, I must be close, look how easily he runs.
I'm going to sprint across the finish, . . . . or maybe I should just finish.

Post-run
I can't believe I did it!
I feel dizzy.
Did they say there was pizza somewhere?
I hope I don't regret eating this pizza.

(I did regret eating the pizza)

 Amy, Me (Bret Michaels impersonation), Caroline, Ashley

Strawberry Days - 2011

Every year we have a great time during the week of Strawberry days, and this year was no exception. Since most people in PG are related in one way or another it's really less of a city celebration and more of a really big family reunion.

The Carnival- Most people aren't aware of the dress code at the carnival. for those of you who are unaware I've made a simple math formula to help out. You take the amount of clothing you would wear to be modest and subtract your body fat percentage to get the square inches of clothing you can wear (example: 60 in sq. - 45% bf = 15 in sq. carnival outfit) So the fatter you are the less you have to wear. The Carnival is always a big highlight for the kids . Luckily our kids aren't too interested in trying the games that they scam you, they are just interested in riding rides. Kalli went on some scarier rides than Lindsay, but Lindsay's face looked like she enjoyed them a little more, but they both had fun. Kade was grinning the whole time, he didn't care if he was riding the park bench. At the end of the night Lindsay convinced me to let her buy a funnel cake. Everyone helped her eat it before it was paid for. After I had a couple bites of the funnel cake I used the previously mentioned clothing allowance formula with my new body fat percentage and figured out I could rip the sleeves off my shirt, I fit right in.

 

Kalli, kade, Crew, Random Girl

Kade, Crew, Dax, Briggs (Scary glimpse of the future)

The Rodeo -The rodeo was also a lot of fun too. In case you're wondering the dress code at the rodeo is the same as the carnival except you also get to wear boots and a hat. It's okay if they're not authentic, because apparently you can wear moon boots and a Crocodile Dundee hat and you'll look just like a real cowboy. In fact anyone can look like a real cowboy as long as they have boots and a hat. I've added some photographic proof.

Any way the kids loved it. Kade kept letting me know that the horses were "freaking out". And at one point he told me , "That clown isn't very funny". Kalli had fun, but she did get a little concerned when one of the cows got a bloody nose during the wild cow milking. In fact she brought it up about every 15 minutes. Lindsay was just happy because there were cousins to talk to. She could have fun at the DMV as long as there was someone to talk to.

The Mammoth Parade - Jackie hasn't made me go to the parade for about five years now. I'm not sure if it's because she loves me so much, or if she's just tired of listening to my smart @$$ comments the whole time. Don't get me wrong I love to see every Jr. High cheer squad in the valley, followed by every karate school in the city, but that seems like a lot to sit through just for a piece of saltwater taffy and bag full of flyers. After the parade we get together with Jackie's family for big potluck lunch. It's always a lot of fun and it's good to catch up with all the relatives. It really is sad when it comes to a close, thank goodness we can drown our sorrows in the strawberries and cream.

The land of Kimber and Jason - Arizona

I keep forgetting to write about our visit to Arizona a couple months back because I wanted to load some pictures with it, but I figured it would be best to write down some of the highlights before I forget them.

To start out. we thought it would be fun to surprise the kids by not telling them where we were going. This turned out to be a lot of fun and we learned some things in the process.
1. I have a much easier time lying to our kids than Jackie does.
2. Our kids are pretty gullible.
3. Our kids have no idea how Utah and Arizona fit together.
4. Our kids are pretty funny.

We told the kids we were going to Scipio to get ice cream from my favorite ice cream place. They got a little impatient after about 2 1/2 hours of driving. Kalli who was initially very excited soon let us know that our trip to get ice cream "sucked". Eventually we told them that my favorite spot was closed so we settled on a dairy queen in Beaver. As we left Beaver we told them we were taking a shortcut home. and I told them if they were good I would take them to my favorite french fry place, that's when Lindsay said "Oh yeah, and where is that? France?" After another 3 hours of driving we told them that we were lost and had to stay in a hotel for the night. Kalli started giggling and said that she was going to tell her teacher that we got lost getting ice cream. As we carried Kade in he told Jackie "That was a long shortcut!"

The next day we had fun misdirecting the kids attention every time we would come upon an Arizona road sign. Eventually we made it to Phoenix where we told the kids I had to pick up some papers for work and that they could use the bathroom if they wanted. When Kimber opened the door they were totally shocked.

We spent the next three days playing, swimming, zooing, and BBQing. The kids wore themselves out each day and had a great time. Us grownups even pulled a reserve of energy from some unknown place to have a late game night. It was definitely worth the sleep deprivation. We were pretty sad to leave when the time came, even though I'm sure Kimber and Jason were ready to get back the 7/8's of there house that we took over.

I'd like to say the ride home was a lot more fun, but really it was just a lot more whiny. We did stop at Lake Powell on the way back which was pretty cool. In the end we had a lot of fun with the Gray family and appreciated their hospitality and patience.

To Bee or not to Bee

Jackie had a near death experience the other day that we are all a little shook up about. While at the pool with the kids she was assaulted and then stung by a bee! Not any ordinary wasp, or mild mannered yellow jacket, no this was a blood thirsty honey bee. The policeman who took her statement said that it was probably an isolated incident and that it probably wasn't targeting her specifically. Kalli Loveridge, an eye witness to the event (and survivor of 11 wasp stings at one time) had this to say, "Hey Dad guess what, Mom got stung by a bee". This was Jackie's first (and hopefully last) time being stung by a bee. She was quoted as saying "I felt something on my back, so I tried to brush it off, and it stung me". Thankfully the bee died after it stung her so that it can't go on to attack other innocent victims.



Artist rendering of attacker

(I love you honey)

Green Thumb

Jackie made fun of me the other day because I said that "I like gardening". After re-thinking it I realized that what I meant to say was "I like watching the plants grow, and then picking the fruit, and eating it". The whole weeding and tilling thing I'm not so crazy about, but there is something satisfying once you have the ground looking all beautiful and ready for plants.

This year the kids have really helped out, each in there own way. Kade helped me with the first weeding and tilling. It really helps the hours go by when you're answering all sorts of questions like "why we want to throw away some plants (weeds) but let other plants grow (tomato's), and why some worms are good for the garden (earthworms) and some "worms" are bad (tomato grubs, snails). As I was digging up the ground he told me to let him know when I found a worm. When I asked him why he said that "he wanted to let it slobber in his hand." Nothing like a bunch of worm mucus to start the day. Later when the girls came out he told them that "we only want good worms in the garden, not evil worms". I never knew that we had evil worms plotting to overthrow our garden. Worms these days.

Kalli also tries her best to help out, but when it comes to weeding Kalli has about as much interest as I do in eating a pickle. She is however, great at watering. She can water the heck out of a plant. In fact we have a couple of watermelon plants that may not make it because she did such a good job watering them.

Lindsay is just always willing to help out whenever and wherever. She does an awesome job. Hopefully we won't burn her out on helping, before we get the other two all trained up.

So I may not like weeding, but I do enjoy hanging out with my wife and kids. And just in case anyone has any doubts of my mad gardening skills I decided to post a progress picture of my avocado plant "Gwock". He's one year old now. We probably won't be having a party but you can send a birthday card with money if you'd like. I'm not sure what we'll do if he outgrows the house. Move to Brazil I suppose.

Kade

Our son Kade continues to be a good source of material to put on this blog.

1. A little while ago I talked about what we like to call "the bum scratching incident". Obviously personal boundaries don't concern Kade. The other day we were grocery shopping as a family and Lindsay was nice enough to buy a treat for everyone to share. As we were getting out of the car I commented on how much chocolate was on his face. Without hesitating he asked me if I would lick the chocolate off his face. My son is to lazy to scratch his own bum, or to lick his own face, but we still love him.

2. As my only son I feel the need to infuse him with manliness as often as possible. I came home from work the other day and saw him running around with a pink watch on. So I said "Kade take that pink watch off, that's a girl watch." He took it off without complaint and said "maybe we can get a boy watch" I told him that would be a good idea. Then he said and maybe I can get a boy i-pod". I thought that would also be a good idea. Then he said "and maybe I can put 'All the single ladies' on it." This is why I don't want him wearing pink watches.

3. Not to be outdone by Kalli, Kade has his own list of mispronounced words.

Stoy Story: A popular movie about Woody and Buzz.
Hamand sandwich: a ham and cheese sandwich without the cheese.
Shnaksticks: Where the girls go every Wednesday to work on their tumbling and back hand springs.

Example: Hey dad, when the girls go to shnaksticks maybe we can watch 'Stoy story' and eat a hamand sandwich.

*side note* as my only commenter, Amy, will hopefully be able to respond this time. Either that or I guess I'll have to comment on my own blog.