I wear the pants in the house, when it's OK with my wife.

I've never had a great need to be a supreme ruler over my household. That seems like too much work. I would much rather share that role with my wife.  The problem is my kids don't seem to understand the meaning of "sharing" in any of it's uses. I sometimes think that in their eyes I rank just slightly higher than Lindsay in command and way below Jackie.
I know that I'm not just being paranoid, because I've been keeping track and taking notes of instances to back me up.


Exhibit A:
I ran in and completed a marathon. I was very proud of that. I got a medal and a window decal and everything. Normally I don't like sticking things in my car windows, because you start with your favorite teams sticker, then the next thing you know you've got Calvin peeing on a Chevy logo, but I felt pretty safe with the marathon decal. It's not like I'm going to be collecting one of those every week.  At any rate I was getting ready to put the decal on, when Kalli nervously asks what I'm doing. I tell her I'm putting on my marathon sticker, to which she replies "Did you ask Mom if that's ok"


Exhibit B:
I am at Costco with my kids doing some shopping. We pass the aisle that has brownie mixes, and one mix in particular catches my eye with chocolate chunks in it. Seeing a chance to earn brownie points (terrible pun intended) with Jackie, I grab a box. All the sudden all the kids flip out and say "Did Mom tell you to get those?"  I answer "No, I told me to get them."  Then Lindsay says " I think you should call Mom and ask if it's ok to get them first."


Exhibit C-Z:
Anytime I tell the kids that we are going to do any kind of activity or have any kind of treat, they immediately look at Mom, to see what her reaction is going to be.


I don't know why my kids think I can't wipe my nose without permission. I like to think that it's because they love us both so much that they don't want to see our marriage ripped to shreds over a major decision, like whether or not we should stop and get ice cream. All I know is that if they worried about whether they're doing what mom said as much as they worry about me, then we would never trip over another shoe or backpack in our house.

Strawberry Days - 2011

Every year we have a great time during the week of Strawberry days, and this year was no exception. Since most people in PG are related in one way or another it's really less of a city celebration and more of a really big family reunion.

The Carnival- Most people aren't aware of the dress code at the carnival. for those of you who are unaware I've made a simple math formula to help out. You take the amount of clothing you would wear to be modest and subtract your body fat percentage to get the square inches of clothing you can wear (example: 60 in sq. - 45% bf = 15 in sq. carnival outfit) So the fatter you are the less you have to wear. The Carnival is always a big highlight for the kids . Luckily our kids aren't too interested in trying the games that they scam you, they are just interested in riding rides. Kalli went on some scarier rides than Lindsay, but Lindsay's face looked like she enjoyed them a little more, but they both had fun. Kade was grinning the whole time, he didn't care if he was riding the park bench. At the end of the night Lindsay convinced me to let her buy a funnel cake. Everyone helped her eat it before it was paid for. After I had a couple bites of the funnel cake I used the previously mentioned clothing allowance formula with my new body fat percentage and figured out I could rip the sleeves off my shirt, I fit right in.

 

Kalli, kade, Crew, Random Girl

Kade, Crew, Dax, Briggs (Scary glimpse of the future)

The Rodeo -The rodeo was also a lot of fun too. In case you're wondering the dress code at the rodeo is the same as the carnival except you also get to wear boots and a hat. It's okay if they're not authentic, because apparently you can wear moon boots and a Crocodile Dundee hat and you'll look just like a real cowboy. In fact anyone can look like a real cowboy as long as they have boots and a hat. I've added some photographic proof.

Any way the kids loved it. Kade kept letting me know that the horses were "freaking out". And at one point he told me , "That clown isn't very funny". Kalli had fun, but she did get a little concerned when one of the cows got a bloody nose during the wild cow milking. In fact she brought it up about every 15 minutes. Lindsay was just happy because there were cousins to talk to. She could have fun at the DMV as long as there was someone to talk to.

The Mammoth Parade - Jackie hasn't made me go to the parade for about five years now. I'm not sure if it's because she loves me so much, or if she's just tired of listening to my smart @$$ comments the whole time. Don't get me wrong I love to see every Jr. High cheer squad in the valley, followed by every karate school in the city, but that seems like a lot to sit through just for a piece of saltwater taffy and bag full of flyers. After the parade we get together with Jackie's family for big potluck lunch. It's always a lot of fun and it's good to catch up with all the relatives. It really is sad when it comes to a close, thank goodness we can drown our sorrows in the strawberries and cream.

The land of Kimber and Jason - Arizona

I keep forgetting to write about our visit to Arizona a couple months back because I wanted to load some pictures with it, but I figured it would be best to write down some of the highlights before I forget them.

To start out. we thought it would be fun to surprise the kids by not telling them where we were going. This turned out to be a lot of fun and we learned some things in the process.
1. I have a much easier time lying to our kids than Jackie does.
2. Our kids are pretty gullible.
3. Our kids have no idea how Utah and Arizona fit together.
4. Our kids are pretty funny.

We told the kids we were going to Scipio to get ice cream from my favorite ice cream place. They got a little impatient after about 2 1/2 hours of driving. Kalli who was initially very excited soon let us know that our trip to get ice cream "sucked". Eventually we told them that my favorite spot was closed so we settled on a dairy queen in Beaver. As we left Beaver we told them we were taking a shortcut home. and I told them if they were good I would take them to my favorite french fry place, that's when Lindsay said "Oh yeah, and where is that? France?" After another 3 hours of driving we told them that we were lost and had to stay in a hotel for the night. Kalli started giggling and said that she was going to tell her teacher that we got lost getting ice cream. As we carried Kade in he told Jackie "That was a long shortcut!"

The next day we had fun misdirecting the kids attention every time we would come upon an Arizona road sign. Eventually we made it to Phoenix where we told the kids I had to pick up some papers for work and that they could use the bathroom if they wanted. When Kimber opened the door they were totally shocked.

We spent the next three days playing, swimming, zooing, and BBQing. The kids wore themselves out each day and had a great time. Us grownups even pulled a reserve of energy from some unknown place to have a late game night. It was definitely worth the sleep deprivation. We were pretty sad to leave when the time came, even though I'm sure Kimber and Jason were ready to get back the 7/8's of there house that we took over.

I'd like to say the ride home was a lot more fun, but really it was just a lot more whiny. We did stop at Lake Powell on the way back which was pretty cool. In the end we had a lot of fun with the Gray family and appreciated their hospitality and patience.

Not a creature was stirring

We had a great Christmas here in the Loveridge household. Everybody got what they wanted (or what we could afford) and we got to see some family that we hadn't seen in a while. All in all it was a great holiday season. There were some funny instances, some Christmas related and some not. The first two involve a mouse.

Kade- We had been out as a family caroling or roasting chestnuts or something and when we got home and opened our garage door we saw a mouse bolt behind a board. This kind of freaked everybody out - except me and Lindsay - Jackie spent the better part of an hour trying to reassure Kade that there was no way for a mouse to use the door to get into our house. Eventually the only thing that convinced him is that Jackie told him that the mice don't have a key to our door.

Kalli- I went that night and bought some mouse traps so that everybody could sleep easy. I thought it would be educational to show the kids how a mouse trap works. I was very careful as I set it and explained what happens when the mouse touches the yellow fake cheese. Then I told them not to touch it and I turned around to get a pencil to set off the trap. Apparently the fake cheese is more irresistible than I thought because I heard a snap and turned around to see Kalli (bless her heart) with her hand in the trap and a look of shock on her face.

Lindsay- this last one doesn't involve a mouse, but it does include a trap. On Christmas morning while we were all eating our Christmas ebelskivers, Lindsay came up next to me with the note Santa had left for the family. She was looking at the note, and in her most nonchalant way said "Hmmm Santa's handwriting looks an awful lot like your hand writing dad." then she set a pen on the letter and said "why don't you write something" I calmly said under my breath "why don't you be quiet". I guess she's just growing up despite my wishes. I must say that was pretty smart of her to figure out that Santa had forgotten to leave a note and asked me to do it for him.

Kade's School of Dance

I know that we've forced nearly everyone we see to watch this video of Kade dancing in the back seat, but in case we missed anyone I decided to post it up here. The one thing that is obvious to see in this video (besides the size of my huge ear) is that dancing is so much more than just moves. Anybody (except my brother Joe) can learn some basic dance moves, but that's not what makes a great dancer. What makes a great dancer is the attitude, which I think Kade clearly demonstrates.

Potty like it's 1999!

So we’ve been potty training in the loveridge household. I guess I should rephrase that. Jackie’s been potty training Kade and I’ve been voicing my encouragement. It’s such an interesting concept when you stop and think about it. It shouldn’t be that hard to convince someone (even a child) of the advantages of using a toilet vs. sitting in your own mess, but I guess laziness is a pretty strong motivator.

I can’t complain though because Kade has done really well . . . . at first. We did the whole thing. You know buying the special underwear, explaining the reward system (one animal cookie per body function), freaking out when they have an accident on the couch. It was all going great but then the magic sort of peters out, and it becomes such a chore. I mean I can only fake so much enthusiasm for somebody else’s BM. Besides the nostalgia wearing off, Kade has discovered that he can hold it and wait until he’s in bed to announce he has to pee, and then a second time to go number two. And I’ll be damned if he isn’t able to produce some amount of poop every single time. It’s really pretty impressive.

These late night poop sessions do have their charm though. I’ll wait for him to finish and I’ll just sit there and watch his facial expressions begin to fluctuate from concentration, to concern, to amusement, to confusion, to approval, and then back through the cycle again. It’s one of the most entertaining parts of the day.

Pop goes the Weasel

Last week was "wife appreciation week". Jackie was gone with her sisters and their mom to Las Vegas for the weekend. Things were pretty uneventful thankfully. Things didn't get exciting until Jackie got home with presents for all the kids. The girls got water bottles so that they can leave mine and Jackie's alone, but the best "gift" was Kade's. I hesitate calling it a gift, because he has a panic attack every time we try to get him to play with it. Jackie got him one of those weasel-balls. It's a ball with what looks like the remains of a raccoon stapled to the side of it and it rolls around in a sporadic unpredictable path. We can't seem to convince him that's it's not real, so his response every time he sees it is to scream, run behind Jackie, cling to her back, and give a hysterical nervous laugh. I feel torn about my feelings for weasel -ball. Part of me wants to be a good father and not let this evil toy emotionally scar my son for life. On the other hand the big brother part of me can't help but laugh every time I see him freak out. So far the good father side is winning (so far).