To Bee or not to Bee

Jackie had a near death experience the other day that we are all a little shook up about. While at the pool with the kids she was assaulted and then stung by a bee! Not any ordinary wasp, or mild mannered yellow jacket, no this was a blood thirsty honey bee. The policeman who took her statement said that it was probably an isolated incident and that it probably wasn't targeting her specifically. Kalli Loveridge, an eye witness to the event (and survivor of 11 wasp stings at one time) had this to say, "Hey Dad guess what, Mom got stung by a bee". This was Jackie's first (and hopefully last) time being stung by a bee. She was quoted as saying "I felt something on my back, so I tried to brush it off, and it stung me". Thankfully the bee died after it stung her so that it can't go on to attack other innocent victims.



Artist rendering of attacker

(I love you honey)

Green Thumb

Jackie made fun of me the other day because I said that "I like gardening". After re-thinking it I realized that what I meant to say was "I like watching the plants grow, and then picking the fruit, and eating it". The whole weeding and tilling thing I'm not so crazy about, but there is something satisfying once you have the ground looking all beautiful and ready for plants.

This year the kids have really helped out, each in there own way. Kade helped me with the first weeding and tilling. It really helps the hours go by when you're answering all sorts of questions like "why we want to throw away some plants (weeds) but let other plants grow (tomato's), and why some worms are good for the garden (earthworms) and some "worms" are bad (tomato grubs, snails). As I was digging up the ground he told me to let him know when I found a worm. When I asked him why he said that "he wanted to let it slobber in his hand." Nothing like a bunch of worm mucus to start the day. Later when the girls came out he told them that "we only want good worms in the garden, not evil worms". I never knew that we had evil worms plotting to overthrow our garden. Worms these days.

Kalli also tries her best to help out, but when it comes to weeding Kalli has about as much interest as I do in eating a pickle. She is however, great at watering. She can water the heck out of a plant. In fact we have a couple of watermelon plants that may not make it because she did such a good job watering them.

Lindsay is just always willing to help out whenever and wherever. She does an awesome job. Hopefully we won't burn her out on helping, before we get the other two all trained up.

So I may not like weeding, but I do enjoy hanging out with my wife and kids. And just in case anyone has any doubts of my mad gardening skills I decided to post a progress picture of my avocado plant "Gwock". He's one year old now. We probably won't be having a party but you can send a birthday card with money if you'd like. I'm not sure what we'll do if he outgrows the house. Move to Brazil I suppose.

Kade

Our son Kade continues to be a good source of material to put on this blog.

1. A little while ago I talked about what we like to call "the bum scratching incident". Obviously personal boundaries don't concern Kade. The other day we were grocery shopping as a family and Lindsay was nice enough to buy a treat for everyone to share. As we were getting out of the car I commented on how much chocolate was on his face. Without hesitating he asked me if I would lick the chocolate off his face. My son is to lazy to scratch his own bum, or to lick his own face, but we still love him.

2. As my only son I feel the need to infuse him with manliness as often as possible. I came home from work the other day and saw him running around with a pink watch on. So I said "Kade take that pink watch off, that's a girl watch." He took it off without complaint and said "maybe we can get a boy watch" I told him that would be a good idea. Then he said and maybe I can get a boy i-pod". I thought that would also be a good idea. Then he said "and maybe I can put 'All the single ladies' on it." This is why I don't want him wearing pink watches.

3. Not to be outdone by Kalli, Kade has his own list of mispronounced words.

Stoy Story: A popular movie about Woody and Buzz.
Hamand sandwich: a ham and cheese sandwich without the cheese.
Shnaksticks: Where the girls go every Wednesday to work on their tumbling and back hand springs.

Example: Hey dad, when the girls go to shnaksticks maybe we can watch 'Stoy story' and eat a hamand sandwich.

*side note* as my only commenter, Amy, will hopefully be able to respond this time. Either that or I guess I'll have to comment on my own blog.

Rock-a-bye don't you cry.

Generally I don't handle being woken up in the middle of the night very well. In fact once I've gone to bed it's pretty hard to wake me at all, but occasionally Jackie can get me to wake up when she needs help with one of Kade's nightly episodes. Last night was one of those nights. I was a little groggy so I don't remember everything that went down last night but I do know that at some point in between 3 and 4 in the morning. I was standing in Kade's room yelling at him to go to bed, and he was laying in his bed crying to me that his "bum itched" and he wanted me to scratch it. After some heated negotiations he settled on going back to bed in exchange for a cookie in the morning and no bum scratching on my part.

Not a creature was stirring

We had a great Christmas here in the Loveridge household. Everybody got what they wanted (or what we could afford) and we got to see some family that we hadn't seen in a while. All in all it was a great holiday season. There were some funny instances, some Christmas related and some not. The first two involve a mouse.

Kade- We had been out as a family caroling or roasting chestnuts or something and when we got home and opened our garage door we saw a mouse bolt behind a board. This kind of freaked everybody out - except me and Lindsay - Jackie spent the better part of an hour trying to reassure Kade that there was no way for a mouse to use the door to get into our house. Eventually the only thing that convinced him is that Jackie told him that the mice don't have a key to our door.

Kalli- I went that night and bought some mouse traps so that everybody could sleep easy. I thought it would be educational to show the kids how a mouse trap works. I was very careful as I set it and explained what happens when the mouse touches the yellow fake cheese. Then I told them not to touch it and I turned around to get a pencil to set off the trap. Apparently the fake cheese is more irresistible than I thought because I heard a snap and turned around to see Kalli (bless her heart) with her hand in the trap and a look of shock on her face.

Lindsay- this last one doesn't involve a mouse, but it does include a trap. On Christmas morning while we were all eating our Christmas ebelskivers, Lindsay came up next to me with the note Santa had left for the family. She was looking at the note, and in her most nonchalant way said "Hmmm Santa's handwriting looks an awful lot like your hand writing dad." then she set a pen on the letter and said "why don't you write something" I calmly said under my breath "why don't you be quiet". I guess she's just growing up despite my wishes. I must say that was pretty smart of her to figure out that Santa had forgotten to leave a note and asked me to do it for him.

Kade's School of Dance

I know that we've forced nearly everyone we see to watch this video of Kade dancing in the back seat, but in case we missed anyone I decided to post it up here. The one thing that is obvious to see in this video (besides the size of my huge ear) is that dancing is so much more than just moves. Anybody (except my brother Joe) can learn some basic dance moves, but that's not what makes a great dancer. What makes a great dancer is the attitude, which I think Kade clearly demonstrates.

Shacks, Speed-o's, & Copy cats

I just had to write down a few things before I forget them.

1. We were driving home the other day and as we were passing a trailer park we noticed a cop car with it's light on in the trailer park. Lindsay turned to Kalli and casually said " Kalli look at that cop car in that little city of tiny shacks". If that doesn't make us sound like snobs I don't know what does.

2. With all the storms we had a while ago Kade became pretty fascinated with the weather. One of his questions he would ask me every time lightning would strike was whether or not the lightning was going to "bite" us.

3. I got up early the other day and was drawing when Kade wandered out of his room at about 6:00 a.m. His eyes were still shut, so I asked him if he wanted to go back to sleep. He nodded his head, and as I picked him up to put him back in bed he asked me if there were monkey's in our trees. I told him there weren't any and he said "okay, . . . can I go to the store with you when you go?" I imagine that's about how the conversation would have gone if he had been drunk.

4. This isn't anything cute that my kids did. I just wanted to thank Tiff for the sweet speedo she brought me back from Italy. I tried in on as soon as I got home (over my garments of course). I don't know how europians can wear those in front other people. While I had it on I think I felt more naked than if I had actually been naked. Don't fear though I'll post some pictures of my self wearing it just as soon as I can get my body fat percentage down to 3% or when hell freezes, which ever comes first.

5. Lastly, I've noticed recently that Kade has been copying nearly everything I do. I confirmed this the other day when I came home and took my pants off and put on some basketball shorts. Kade disappeared for a little while then came back in his basketball shorts. I tested my theory to see if I was right by going and putting on my cowboy boots. He walked into the kitchen looked at me, then down at my boots, and ran to his room only to come out a second later with his cowboy boots on. We ate dinner like that then he came up to me afterward and said his boots were hurting his feet and asked me to put on my flip flops. I'm flattered and a little self conscious to know that he watches me that closely. I guess this means know more scissor juggling.

Interpretation's

We went to Bear Lake a little while ago with some friends and family. I'd love to post some pictures but I didn't get my camera out the whole time we were there. Maybe I'll track some down later. Anyway It was the trip home that things began to get a little silly. As we got closer and closer to home our kids giddy-level seemed to get higher and higher.(I apologize to my Hispanic friends for my children's behavior). As we got close to home Kalli started screaming out the window at passing pedestrians "HOT SAUCE FOR SALE!!!!" Lindsay and Kade thought this was hilarious so Kade started screaming it out the other window. Then Kalli upped her game by being more specific about her customers shouting either "HEY MEXICO PEOPLE, or HEY AINGLUSH PEOPLE, . . . HOT SAUCE FOR SALE" We would have stopped them but it was pretty funny, and we figured nobody could tell what the heck they were saying anyway.

As I was typing this I remembered a message I'd gotten on my phone a while ago that I forgot to tell Jackie about. Lindsay called me and left me a message that she was a teacher from Mexico that wanted to order some copies of my children's book. She must think that Luigi is Mexican, because she was using her Super Mario accent. Anyway I'm expecting the pesos to start rolling in from Mexico.

I was also going to post some translations to those who may have difficulty understanding Kalli.

he-bout: used in place of "what about" or "how about"

zert: a sweet treat eaten after dinner.

Satan George: A city in southern Utah known for it's golfing, shopping, and triple digit temperatures; making it a popular vacation spot for George aka Satan.

Example: When we are in Satan George, he-bout we get some ice cream for zert.

It's a bird, It's a plane, It's Jackie and Tiff

This Wednesday Jackie and Tiff took off for Arizona to go visit with the Gray's. That night Kalli was helping me make dinner when she asked me if mom and Tiff were flying in the plane at that moment. I told her that they probably were. She was quiet for a little while then she got this little goofy smile on her face. I asked her what was funny, and she said " That would be funny to see them flying in the plane with there hair blowing all over and everybody screaming". Apparently Kalli thought that planes fly with all the windows open and that it's just shear pandemonium for the entire flight. I can't blame her for thinking that, she's never been on a plane before. She's right though, that would be funny to see.

Potty like it's 1999!

So we’ve been potty training in the loveridge household. I guess I should rephrase that. Jackie’s been potty training Kade and I’ve been voicing my encouragement. It’s such an interesting concept when you stop and think about it. It shouldn’t be that hard to convince someone (even a child) of the advantages of using a toilet vs. sitting in your own mess, but I guess laziness is a pretty strong motivator.

I can’t complain though because Kade has done really well . . . . at first. We did the whole thing. You know buying the special underwear, explaining the reward system (one animal cookie per body function), freaking out when they have an accident on the couch. It was all going great but then the magic sort of peters out, and it becomes such a chore. I mean I can only fake so much enthusiasm for somebody else’s BM. Besides the nostalgia wearing off, Kade has discovered that he can hold it and wait until he’s in bed to announce he has to pee, and then a second time to go number two. And I’ll be damned if he isn’t able to produce some amount of poop every single time. It’s really pretty impressive.

These late night poop sessions do have their charm though. I’ll wait for him to finish and I’ll just sit there and watch his facial expressions begin to fluctuate from concentration, to concern, to amusement, to confusion, to approval, and then back through the cycle again. It’s one of the most entertaining parts of the day.